MY STORY FROM ROCK BOTTOM TO COMPETIVE BODY BUILDER AND TRAINER

MY LIFE FULL OF VICES

I was fortunate to grow up in the breathtaking Okanagan Valley, in the charming town of Summerland, British Columbia, Canada. 

My upbringing was everything a kid could want, with two wonderful parents who were actively involved in my life, despite their separation. 

They introduced me to a plethora of activities such as skiing, snowboarding, skateboarding, hockey, sailing, swimming, and tennis, providing me with endless opportunities to explore and experience life to the fullest.

Reflecting on my childhood, I am incredibly grateful for the amazing opportunities and experiences I had. Although I faced some heavy challenges and traumas along the way (who didn't?), my early years were relatively easy. 

However, my outlook on life was far from positive, and I regretfully took my life for granted, even at a young age.


EASY PLEASURES

Growing up around drinkers normalized drinking for me, leading me to start drinking whenever possible at 14. Although I didn't try smoking weed until 17, it quickly became a daily habit. 

By the age of 16, I began selling marijuana at school and eventually transitioned to selling any drugs I could get my hands on. 

My involvement with the wrong crowd led me to selling pounds of weed, mushrooms, powders like cocaine and MDMA, sheets of acid and hundreds of pills such as Xanax and Percocet.

My obsession with drugs grew as I spent my time growing and studying them, and by the age of 20, my entire life revolved around drugs. 

I made money from selling drugs, spent my time growing & studying them, and had little regard for the negative impact they had on people's lives. 

My perspective on life was to seek easy pleasures and avoid responsibilities, and I thought of myself as invincible. Looking back, I realize how wrong I was and how much damage I caused.

DEPRESSSION AND ANXEIETY!

THESE TWO RULED MY LIFE FOR SO LONG

Once I got into high school, I was starting to struggle with anxiety and depression a theme that could carry on into my early 20's.

This shit got so out of control that i had to eventually become medicated because of my crushing anxiety.

at the time my anxiety's had seeming zero explanation. i would just have this crushing feeling of dread and like everything falling around me with no explainable reasoning to what even triggered it.

I was convinced that something had to be wrong with my brain. at no point did i think that my mindset and lifestyle could have been the cause

MY VICES LED ME TO THE PHYSCHWARD!

I was facing the consequences of my bad choices, and it was hitting me hard. 

My mental health was deteriorating, I was abusing MDMA, losing the trust of those around me, and betraying my girlfriend with my disloyalty. 

Every morning, I woke up feeling sick and terrified, knowing that there were dealers who wanted me dead because I was undercutting them. Despite taking medication, my anxiety was overwhelming. 

One night, my girlfriend was rightfully angry with me for my disloyalty. After a week of being high on MDMA, I reached my breaking point on April 1st, 2020, and decided to end my life. 

However, I didn't follow through with it. Instead, I was arrested in West Kelowna and taken to the Kelowna psych ward but not before I sliced up and burned myself all over. I still have all the scars.

I loathed myself to the point of self-harm, and my actions were a reflection of that self-hatred. 

I HAD OFFICIALLY HIT ROCK BOTTOM!

I was admitted to the Kelowna psych ward and spent the first two days there mostly idle, scrolling through my phone and trying to score some cigarettes. Just trying to avoid the reality of my situation.

On the third day, I was transferred to the Penticton Adult psych ward, where I found myself as the youngest patient among a group of intimidating patients.

My phone was taken away upon arrival, and I was assigned a roommate who, while stable, was not someone I wanted to share space with. 

Adding to the challenge, this was at the start of the Covid-19 pandemic, so we were restricted from accessing the facility gym and receiving visitors. 

It may sound melodramatic, but the experience felt akin to being imprisoned, with no idea when I might be released.

As the gravity of my situation began to set in, I realized how much I needed to confront and work through my mental health struggles.

I KNEW I NEEDED TO CHANGE

After just a few days of sitting in the psych ward with nothing to do but sit with my thoughts, hit some push ups in the smoke pit and smoke cigarettes, I knew I need to make a massive change!

Everything I had I done in the last few years, every mistake, every person i had slighted or sold drugs to, It was all starting to weigh down on me.

I knew i had to change, and step one was to change my mindset.

my mindset at the time was as bad as it gets.

I HATED myself, I wanted to die, I thought the world was against me, I only knew negativity.

I just wanted to chase pleasure and avoid responsibility at all costs

I was the definition of a straight BITCH!

so step 1 was to change my mindset into someone who's responsible, accountable and purpose based.

The only thing that made me feel any better when i was in there was talking with the other patients about anything to distract me and hitting those push ups.

this was my first sign on the steps i need to take to change my mindset and who i was.


THE PROCESS

for me start changing my mindset was no easy task

my daily actions at the time were set in stone

All I knew was how to chase easy pleasures to try and fix the anxiety and darkness I felt deep inside

so I started to take purpose based actions

Instead of waking up and going straight into my vices like entertainment, drugs, drinking, food, porn, ect. I would start to take actions that would rasise my frequency 

I would wake up and clean my room, do yard work, do the dishes, do some push ups, writing/journaling, anything that at the time I considered to be a sacerafice and considered to be hard for

After a few weeks of choosing to do the things that i felt were the the hardest and choosing to do the things I wanted to do the least, I started to see changes in my mindset.

all of a sudden the pleasure that i used to chase were starting to make me feel bad!